Anger

When one is diagnosed with a serious illness, anger is often a natural reaction to the news. This may happen instantly or it may take a while for the anger to be acknowledged. Nonetheless, individuals do recognise the anger attached to an illness.

Significantly, researchers have found that this recognition helps in dealing with the

‘disrupted-self’ and is part of the mourning process of the healthy self (Bury, 1982: 168- 170; Kleinman, 1988: 29). The mourning is usually initiated by angry questionings:

“Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Why have I been singled out? Why? Why?

Why?” (Dennison, 1996, in Crossley, 2000: 82). Studies show that individuals with a serious or chronic illness go through this mourning process, and that it comes at different times for each individual and at different levels at each stage of the illness (Crossley,

2000: 82). For example, David Karp (1996) in his book, Speaking of sadness: depression, and the meanings of illness, writes about the personal anger he feels towards himself and others for not being able to live normally because of his chronic depression. Talking about the frustration (a common form of anger) he felt at his inability to sleep, Karp writes:

The loneliest moments of my life have been in the middle of the night while, as I imagined it, everybody else was sleeping … I felt angry toward those who were sleeping, especially my wife who was right there so visibly and easily doing what I couldn’t and desperately needed to do. Whatever bad feelings I had were intensified in the middle of the night. It was as though the volume of my personal agony had been turned to a deafening pitch.

Karp, 1996: 6

This example shows that anger is not simply directed at his wife, but at the loss of control to perform a daily routine function, namely sleep. This anger towards self resonates with the Western concept of the self, where an individual is perceived as an autonomous being, and in control of him/herself. In the Western world-view, self- discipline and autonomy are privileged (Lupton, 1998: 71) and as is shown in David Karp’s example above, the inability to control bodily functions, such as sleep, can be a source of suffering and frustration. However, evidence from several studies on illness experiences from non-Western societies show that such anger is also directed towards the self. For example, a 34-year-old black South African male living with AIDS was initially angered at the probable ‘disintegration’ of his body as he progressed to full blown AIDS and the consequent inability to look after his children:

My idea about AIDS was a person gets thin and thin with sores around his mouth and face and body. I didn’t want to experience that. I thought of my children. My last born is two – I’ve got five children. I said that there is nothing I can do. I took a pen and wrote all the reasons why I should commit suicide.

Pat, 34 years old (Cardo, 1999: 186)

Anger is also felt by those close to the person with an illness. A stigmatizing illness such as AIDS negatively affects family members of the HIV-positive individual.

For example, some children attending the ‘National Children’s Forum on HIV/AIDS’ in Cape Town, South Africa, spoke about the anger arising from the social consequence of living in a household where someone is HIV-positive. Lindiwe, 15 years old, noted that even though she was not HIV-positive herself, she is nevertheless referred to as HIV- positive because she stays with a brother who is HIV-positive. She said that this happens a lot at school, where some children think that she might infect them (Giese, 2002: 41).

Another teenager in the same workshop explained the frustration associated with living in a household where there is an HIV-positive parent:

Everybody talks about their parents. It is not nice because these children still love their parents even if they are HIV-positive, it does not mean that people should discuss their illness. How they get it is not important because it won’t make them HIV negative. People don’t want to accept and respect people with HIV/AIDS.

Douglas, 17 years old (Giese, 2002: 41)

It is not only young children who feel the rage and anguish of living with HIV parents or relatives. Grandparents often experience these emotions as well. Studies show that parents of HIV-positive individuals experience anger and pain at the way this illness stigmatizes them too (Burt, 2003; WHO, 2002). Studies in Southern Africa show the anger and psychological pain felt by elderly women affected by AIDS. These women, mostly grandmothers, themselves in need of caring, experience anger at the twist of fate – having to care for a child dying of AIDS as well as becoming ‘mothers’ to their grandchildren (Baylies & Bujra, 2000; Breslin, 2003; Burt, 2003; WHO, 2002). This anger and anguish is illustrated in Burt’s (2003) study, An exploration of the impact of AIDS-related losses and role changes on grandmothers. The grandmothers expressed anger at having to bear the burden of caring for their ill children and taking on the mother role to their grandchildren. This frustration was compounded by the lack of support from extended family members. For example, a 60-year-old grandmother described her feelings regarding the isolation she feels as a care-giver:

I used to hold a grudge towards my family when I was caring for my child. I used to think to myself where is the rest of the family? Why can’t they come forward and help me? I used to feel angry, asking myself – why am I alone with this?

Burt, 2003: 36