Nonceba (pseudonym) was born on 7th January, 1929 on a small farm near Port Alfred, in the Eastern Cape Province. She was an only child, and her mother died when she was still young. She was brought up by her maternal aunt, who, she claims, treated her like a servant. She has unhappy memories of this period of her life, which are juxtaposed with happy childhood memories. She nostalgically talked about the “good old days” when household necessities such as firewood were free. She contrasted this with the “bad times” of today where everything, even “my nail” is for sale. She nostalgically reminisced that they lacked nothing in terms of life’s necessities. She has never been to school, and does not see this as a limitation in her life. She does not see the point of formal education when one can not use the knowledge acquired in school productively.
She got married early, partly to run away from her abusive aunt. She continued to be abused emotionally and physically by her husband from the start of the marriage, until he died. She had eleven children, five of whom died in infancy, and an older son was killed in a car accident. She has five surviving children, three daughters and two sons. Two of her daughters and their children stay with her. All her children were born on the farm.
Her family was evicted from the farm when her husband could not work due to ill-health.
They moved to Grahamstown, where they squatted in various people’s backyards, before moving to their present home fifteen years ago.
Nonceba’s natural ability for telling a captivating story and her emotively articulated dire lived experiences inspired my selecting her household as primary participants. Despite the pain throughout her life, she has an exuberance about her that draws one into her world through her words. Her litany of woes, which were eloquently and emotionally expressed, include two daughters and a grandchild who are HIV positive, two of them in the full blown AIDS stage. All the three HIV positive progeny live with her, as well as three other grandchildren. Two of these, a daughter and a granddaughter, are participants and their biographies follow.
5.2.1 Lulama, 48 years old
Lulama (pseudonym) was born on 10th October, 1958 on a farm near Port Alfred in the Eastern Cape Province. She is Nonceba’s eldest surviving child. Like her mother, she has nostalgic childhood memories, both good and bad. She remembers people being more tolerant and understanding, that “when one had a disagreement, it was usually settled amicably and the friendship/relationship continued”. Her education was limited to a few years of primary school. This was due to the long distance between the school and her home. She worked on the same farm as her parents. She suffered a head injury while canning pineapples and did not receive medical treatment, and she continues to suffer from the effects of this accident. Both she and her mother still resent the farmer’s indifference when she was injured. She has two daughters and a son. With limited help from her mother, she has always been responsible for her children’s upbringing. She tested HIV positive in 1998, after her youngest daughter was diagnosed HIV positive.
The child had been sickly since birth. When she was diagnosed, she experienced stigma from the community and some family members. The pain from the AIDS stigma was compounded by her husband’s refusal to accept her HIV positive status. This caused her to attempt suicide, by drinking petrol and pills. The stigma has lessened and she now belongs to an AIDS support group. She and her child are on ARV treatment, and they both receive AIDS support grants. The child’s father died from an AIDS-related illness.
He initially hid his status from her. “He never told me that he was HIV positive. He only told his mother, who later told me”. He accepted her condition only when
he learnt that I was about to start receiving an AIDS grant. He said that he was glad that we were both going to be getting the grants and this would enable us to live comfortably. He was by then receiving a disability grant for his mental illness. He pleaded with me not to disclose my status to people and that I should stop attending the support group at the clinic or to go for HIV medication.
However, I ignored him and I am a member of a support group and I am on ARV treatment.
Understandably, Lulama privileges her AIDS-self above her other life experiences. Her presentation of self in this study continuously drew on her HIV/AIDS narrative.
5.2.2 Zintle, 23 years old
Zintle (pseudonym) was born on 7th July, 1983 in Grahamstown. Unlike her mother and grandmother, she has predominantly sad memories of her childhood. She relates this to the segregation policies of apartheid and the impact this had on her. She is still pained at not having been allowed to attend good white schools and of having been seen as “sub-human just because one was Xhosa”. Other sad childhood memories relate to her family. There has been massive alcohol abuse in this family, which she continues to experience. She has consciously refrained from drinking alcohol, as the pain it causes far outweighs the ‘delights’, in her view. She often mediates in the alcohol-related squabbles, which she finds extremely distressing. A rare fond memory of her childhood is of her grandmother telling the family Xhosa fables. She has completed Grade Twelve and wishes to continue studying towards a qualification in social work. Three months after the initial contact with this family, at the concluding interview, we were told that Zintle had got married. I conducted a brief interview to find out what led to this impromptu marriage, as none of them (grandmother, mother and Zintle) had indicated in the previous interview that she was engaged or about to get married (see Appendix II). My concern was why such crucial information had been withheld, as it had implications on the care- giving story. It made me wonder whether what she had said regarding her role as care- giver to her mother and young sister was ‘truthful’. I therefore asked her to tell us about the impact of her marriage on her role as care-giver and other aspirations for her family.
She said that the speed at which the marriage happened was equally surprising to her and her family. She noted that even though her boyfriend had discussed marrying her, she thought it would be some time in the future. Regarding her care-giving role, she noted that her husband has agreed for her to continue helping her mother and young sister. This is possible as her marital home is very close to her natal home. However, she had to negotiate the care-giving role with her husband’s people. This was necessary as Xhosa custom dictates that a newly wed bride does umsebenzi (household chores) for her in- laws. Regarding her aspirations of becoming a social worker, she noted that she would love to see this dream come true, but acknowledged that it would be more difficult to realise it given her present circumstances. Her husband works for a dry cleaning company and his income is barely enough to meet their household expenses. When asked if she and
her husband took an HIV test before marriage, she confirmed that they had. They are both HIV negative.